Why I Didn’t Show Up

I opted to not run my last race of the year and 100% okay with that.

The end.

So I wish I could say this was my first DNS, but it’s not. But it is the one I was the most conflicted about. Simply put, I felt like I should run it because it was the last year of the race and I paid for it. But the reality was that my heart just wasn’t into it.

Any runner will tell you that running is mostly mental. The physical aspects of training can only take you so far. Which is 100% true in basically every sport. And the reality is, 13.1 miles is a whole lot of distance to do something you’re not really mentally feeling.

Let’s talk straight facts here. The training cycle in general was a mess. With an absolutely insane schedule, and just general burnout, I didn’t get in the typical workouts I would do leading up to a half. But honestly speaking, I still know I could physically do the distance, it just probably wouldn’t be a PR race, and it was never my goal to attempt to PR at this race anyways. 

There were also so many elements going into my decision as well.

  • My mental game
  • It was later in December compared to normal
  • Busy busy schedule
  • I did not book a hotel room in time
  • Friends weren’t running it
  • I didn’t want to

Now, this was not something that was made instantly, this is something I was considering since the beginning of November as I saw how things were looking for November. I gave myself time and told myself that over Fall Break, I would use the extra time I had to do every workout I normally would in a cycle, and see how things feel. 

I got sick, and couldn’t do a single one besides a basic 3 miler on the last day of break.

I continued to struggle with this decision, and the every single time. The only thing holding me to this race was the simple fact that I invested money into it. Then it hit me, why not invest into yourself?

So I made the simple decision. I would pick up my packet the day before as required to see if I got the race day feels, spoiler, I did not. In addition, since I’m normally an early riser, I would NOT set any alarms (not even for spin like I normally would have for Sunday), and if I woke up on time and felt like running, I would. This would ultimately be derailed due to what should’ve been one stop for a drink with friends home by 10 turned into two stops and home by 2am.

But that’s honestly what I needed. No phones, no pressure, just laughing and having fun. In the workout world we get caught up in quotes telling us to “just show up”, but the truth is, it’s okay to not show up. It’s okay to just say that something is for you today. There’s a difference between a recharge and reset versus laziness. It’s important that each person learn their own truth, and how to tell the difference between the two. I’m fortunate that I know my truth.

So I woke up Sunday at 8:15. I finally was able to enjoy an early morning cup of coffee at home. I had absolutely no where to be, and no one expecting me to be anywhere. I had peace for the first time in a long time.

So really, that race entry fee, was well paid for. It gave me a date that was blocked out on my calendar, giving me peace. 

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